Do narcissists use verbal abuse, such as name-calling and yelling, to control their spouses?

Verbal Abuse as a Control Tactic in Intimate Partner Violence

Yes, name-calling and yelling are well-documented tactics of psychological abuse and coercive control used by perpetrators in intimate partner relationships to maintain power and dominance over their partners. While the evidence provided does not specifically address narcissistic personality traits, it clearly establishes that verbal abuse—including insults, threats, and screaming—represents a core component of intimate partner violence (IPV) and controlling behavior.

Understanding Verbal Abuse as Coercive Control

Controlling behavior in intimate relationships explicitly includes psychological abuse tactics such as verbal aggression, insults, and intimidation. The World Health Organization categorizes controlling behavior as a distinct component of IPV that involves restricting the victim's autonomy, social connections, and freedom of movement 1. This controlling behavior encompasses:

• Psychological abuse through verbal means including insults, threats, and yelling to establish dominance 1
• Isolation tactics that separate victims from family and friends 1
• Monitoring and surveillance of communications and whereabouts 1
• Resource restriction to maintain dependency 1

The HITS screening instrument—one of the most validated IPV screening tools with 86-100% sensitivity and 86-99% specificity—specifically includes "Insulted" and "Screamed at" as two of its four core questions, demonstrating that these verbal abuse tactics are recognized as fundamental indicators of intimate partner violence 2, 3.

Clinical Significance and Harm

Psychological abuse and coercive control cause severe harm even without physical violence. The evidence emphasizes a critical clinical pitfall: do not assume that absence of physical violence means low risk, as psychological abuse and coercive control are serious forms of IPV that cause substantial harm and predict future escalation 1, 3.

The documented harms include:

• Severe psychological consequences including loss of agency, self-belief, and entrapment in the relationship 1
• Mental health disorders including depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, and suicidal ideation 2
• Long-term psychiatric sequelae such as somatization, suicide attempts, and substance abuse 2
• Intergenerational trauma as children who witness intimate partner violence experience developmental delays, school failure, violent behavior, and psychiatric disorders including depression and oppositional defiant disorder 2

Perpetrator Tactics and Power Dynamics

Research on pathological narcissism specifically documents that individuals high in narcissistic traits engage in patterns of abuse including physical, verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse, along with challenging financial and sexual behaviors 4. Partners of individuals with narcissistic traits report experiencing:

• Verbal and emotional abuse as primary control mechanisms 4
• Devaluation and exploitation within the relationship 4
• Complex interpersonal dynamics involving idealization followed by devaluation 4

Perpetrators with access to resources frequently use multiple tactics to maintain power and control, including litigation coercion to harass partners and ex-partners, which deleteriously impacts survivors' finances and mental health 2.

Clinical Recognition and Response

When marital conflict and instability are present, clinicians must systematically evaluate for intimate partner violence using validated screening tools. The American College of Physicians and CDC identify marital conflict as a relationship-level risk factor requiring structured assessment 3.

Recommended screening approach:

• Administer validated IPV screening tools (HITS, HARK, STaT, or WAST) to both partners separately 3
• Conduct interviews separately as joint interviews prevent disclosure of abuse 3
• Ask direct, specific questions about being insulted, threatened, or screamed at 2
• Do not accept patient reassurance without structured inquiry as many IPV victims do not spontaneously disclose due to fear, shame, or reprisal 3

Critical pitfalls to avoid:

• Failing to recognize psychological abuse as serious IPV that requires intervention even without physical violence 1, 3
• Overlooking the link between marital distress and mental health morbidity as relationship problems significantly impact depression, anxiety, and substance use 3
• Dismissing verbal abuse as "just arguing" when it represents a pattern of coercive control 1

Intervention and Safety Planning

When verbal abuse and controlling behavior are identified, immediate actions include:

• Document thoroughly all reported abuse patterns 5
• Provide crisis center and shelter contact information 5
• Arrange mental health counseling to address psychological trauma 5
• Develop safety planning focusing on safety behaviors and community resources 2
• Consider referrals to specialized domestic violence services 2

The evidence supports various interventions including counseling, home visits, information cards, referrals to community services, and mentoring support, which can reduce exposure to abuse and improve outcomes 2.